Sunday, March 19, 2017

M A R C H ! 1 4 3 :D

March has always been the best month for me,
well up to this year, still my favourite month <3

Work, has been work. Alhamdulillah, I manage to survived and stop nagging about it and starts working it out. Of course still having bad tears day here and there, but well, there's always a rainbow after the rain. case closed. Not that I'm settling down for ENT though. NEVER. LOL

Birthday has been awesome. hehee. It's kindda weird not celebrating it with family. I purposely not care about what I'll be assign to work on my birthday, my colleague scolded me for not requesting a day off on my birthday though. >.<
I was assign for OT assistant on my birthday. It was a long case to assist, and then, the OT closed due to GA machine problem! miracles do happen in March, aite? hehee. So, a lunch out with my colleague! everyone's happy. Well, no birthday cake (yet) for me this year. (I got a slice actually)

But then, this come in! Chocolates heaven!!

I never had this much of a bouquet, and gift since, forever kot! It's so weird that everyone making effort to give me something. I, truly appreciate it! especially, of course, the lily. I labelled it as cheating, but whatever, it puts smile on my face for a week kot! hehee, thank you awak!

I do received this earlier from my cucup!
He ran to me and said "mamayang, this is your birthday present"
His Mama told me they told him that they'll be getting mamyang a present, so cucup said this one is for me. And he remembered :'). so yeah, best birthday gift ever!
It was actually a paper bag je. hahah. but well, always the thought that counts!

It was surely the best March, 14th of my life. My life is still tangled here and there, but there is always something to be grateful for, right? It's been a while since my last picture post, but I think, this one sure deserves a post on my blog!

Can we like have March, 14th everyday? hehee.

Till then,

p/s : I shared all those chocolate with my colleagues of course. Don't dare to take up all the calories alone. LOL. But not the ferrero rocher la. I dont want to share it with anyone pun eventhough it'll take me forever to finish it up. hehee >D

Thursday, January 19, 2017

The Airport

The sad thing about airport is,
People come and go.
Everyone is happy.
But nobody really stay.

Hello 2017.
My January went well so far,
Please make the rest of the year awesome too.


Sunday, November 20, 2016


I passed half of the year being ENT's Medical Officer. YAY ME!?
Things slowly fit it it's place. I swear it was not easy. Still suffering here and there sometimes, but I guess I already immune to the system. So much drama happened , storm after storm, but I get to view a rainbow in between. ;) Thankfully I'm not the main character, so I survived for now. hahah.

The thought of gave up my work, change working environment, thinking of quitting and filled in transfer back form, but nothing seems to work.
At one point I cried my heart out. Asking Him this is all not fair and questioning what did I do to still have to suffered? I badly cry until my head hurts. Nothing make sense at that moment. How everyone get things easy, but not me. How ungrateful I am as human being.

And then He showed me how, I, as His servant, have everything everyone needs and still asking for more. He showed me one by one. He send me friends to put sense back into me. Eventhough I push them away in the first place. Allahu, I feel ashamed. Why is it so hard to be husnu dzon? He put me through this, so that I learn to grow. So that I learn a lot of things. Not only as Medical Officer, but as a human being. Fa-biayyi alaa'i Rabbi kuma tukadzdzi ban (Maka nikmat Tuhanmu yang manakah yang kamu dustakan?)

So now, here I am, still working in this department, doing everything I could to make the day pass faster, trying so hard to be nice when picking up referral. LOL. I admit I get easily irritated when receiving referral, maybe because I enjoyed doing the referral. (Still secretly wish for ED :'()

During my time (wah. haha) I prepare myself for every detail while making the referral. takut kot dengan MO. But HO nowadays (wah,wah! LOL) doesn't seems to care.

OMG, I am so not a patience referral taker >.<

Till my next rant, buh~bye!

Friday, November 4, 2016


Semua perihal diciptakan sebagai batas 
Membelah sesuatu dari sesuatu yang lain 
Hari ini membelah membatasi besok dan kemarin 
Besok batas hari ini dan lusa

Jalan-jalan memisahkan deretan toko dan perpustakaan kota,  bilik penjara, dan kantor wali kota, juga rumahku dan seluruh tempat di mana pernah ada kita 
Bandara dan udara memisahkan New York dan Jakarta

Resah di dadamu dan rahasia yang menanti di jantung puisi dipisahkan kata
Begitu pula rindu. Antara pulau dan seorang petualang yang gila 
Seperti penjahat dan kebaikan dihalang ruang dan undang-undang

Seorang ayah membelah anak dari ibunya dan sebaliknya 
Atau senyummu dinding di antara aku dan ketidakwarasan 
Persis segelas kopi tanpa gula pejamkan mimpi dari tidur 
Apa kabar hari ini? 
Lihat tanda tanya itu jurang antara kebodohan dan keinginanku memilikimu sekali lagi

- Ada Apa Dengan Cinta 2, 2016.

Saturday, August 20, 2016


Hye. Another long pause from me. You'd already guess what's that meant by now.
Well my routine had been; working from sunday to thursday, then bangi till saturday, and back to JB on saturday. Every effing week. Either by flight, or driving.
Except this week. I successfully tied myself up in my apartment for 2 days! Hence, the babling.
Come on, I deserved a.. clap? lol.

Work being work.
It's been freaking 4 month I started this new department. I try to love what I do, but in the end, working with some backstabber and snobbish idiot really tear me up. I wanted to just live and go with the flow as I'm sure this is just temporary.
But convinced my brain and my heart is wayy harder than I thought. sigh.

I remember driving from JB-KL happily in 2hr30minutes. (don't ask about my speed)
And then KL-JB with tears half of the journey. It's so depressing.
Having a thought of involving myself in an accident (but praying it's just a minor accident), so i can have like 3 month of MC. My friends suggest me to get married and bake a baby so I can get those 3 month of MC. But then I realized, it'll take me 9 month to bake those baby first, so I skipped. haha.

I never knew this is called "depression state" until I talked it out with my senior about it. She, who suffer the same already come out from it and living great life. And I found out the difference between me and her is, She rebelliously annoyed the management office about it. And I found it hard for me to do the same. I have a talk to my friend from other hospital, apparently it'll take you suffering for a year before they actually take an action to change department. That, makes another 8 month to suffer! Someone, kill me already :'(

So here I am, sitting hopelessly in my apartment. wishing tomorrow gonna be another surprise(in a good way, of course). I started to hate what I do. I don't think I'm gonna like to do some active call after a year of passive call. Sigh. Never thought I had to deal with this after housemanship. No matter how much positives vibes been sent to me, nothing seems to work. All I want to do is just show my face, being criticized and called an idiot, come home sleeping and repeat until comes the weekend, if i'm lucky enough to not have to oncall, then, Bangi calls.

As if finally I found someone to make this transition a bit easier, and faster :(