Saturday, December 15, 2012

Kek Bathek

Kek Bathek is actually "Kek Batik". Spelled that way so some random noobs, like me, who wanted to google for these recipe don't end up at my blog. hahah.
I love kek batik! Eat it few times & I think I can finish a whole tray by myself if nobody's looking. hewhew. Loved it so much that I never had chance to bake it. Yes, I bake pavlova, red velvet, orange cake, chocolate cake, few other recipe, but kek batik, NEVAH. not even crossed my mind nor heart!

So, one day, my two younger annoying sister send a pic of kek batik they bake. & I was like " ape ni? koko crunch keras ke?" hahaha. Noooooob. (I once thought noob was pronounce no-ob T^T)
I seriously don't have any idea that, was a picture of kek batik, from top. demmit. So they call me a loser. FINE.

I have really a bad habit of forcing someone to try new things with me, ok, new for me not them. Since I'm stranded here with no wingman *straight face*, So, I excitedly asked Aizzi, my ex housemate to help me out. haha. My annoying siblings must be glad they don't have to be my victim this time. haha.
I Google out few kek batik recipe. Apparently it don't use any oven to bake! =,= & guess what? everyone was like "kek batik kek paling senang nak buat, dulu masa tingkatan 4 suke buat kek batik" say what?? how come I didn't know that kek batik is the easiest cake to bake alive(?). Where do I live? -..-

Last week, we(me & Aizzi) baked kek batik. Is it the correct word? I think it's "make" because "bake" is something you put in the oven no? (ga penting). My weak point in baking is not knowing the specific measure. "kau agak2 je". trust me, I can't! My wingman once get annoyed with me because I will specifically use a 250ml cup for 250ml water. Not more, not less, or else I'll stressing up worrying it'll ruin. ha ha. 
Aizzi bake kek batik her own way. So different from the one I googled, much easier I would say. Agak2 je letak planta, Agak2 je letak milo & Agak2 je letak susu. & I was like "senang nye" "cukup ke. kita baca dekat internet dia cakap 250g planta." "kita baca milo letak 3 sudu je." <--being annoying again. haha. And wallah, Aizzi's kek batik turn out perfectly. & I ate it aloneeee. ok, Aizzi had few bite, but I finished it up. I am cake batik die hard fans.

And then, today comes. I eagerly want to try my very own version of kek batik. haha. So, I tried =.="
This is why I told you I hate a recipe without specific measure. haha. I accidentally pour a little too much water. huaaaa. & the concentrated milk apparently finished. hah, gelabah. So the 15minutes (or less) recipe become 30minutes(or more) because I have to wait until it becomes "pekat" like Aizzi's. huaa. I have to put more Milo & susu tepung to make it work. After few minutes calming down myself & telling myself DON'T THROW IT, IT STILL CAN WORK, the meringue become "pekat". Adoi, that mini heart attack betul.

But still, can you guys see the difference!!

Sumpah tak taulah camna rasa dia. And this time I don't mind eating it all by myself. No sharing with others -..-
Dahlah, I'm done trying kek batik for now. Adios, amigos.

Aizzi's delicious recipe.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Ada Apa Dengan Duabelas

In a group discussion this morning, which I apparently come 5 minutes late..
" Ok, Safiah, gimana kamu mendiagnose pasien ini?"
"Kamu udah punya pacar?"
"err..iya doc" T.T
"Pacarmu orang Malaysia juga?"
"hehe... iya doc"
"Dokter juga?"
"iya.." *krikk*
"Kamu ga mau cari pacar orang Indonesia?"
*senyum kambing*
"Sama orang Indonesia aja"

In a clinic which I come to consult a patient to PPDS
"dik, usiamu berapa?"
"hah? 24 doc"
"kok belum menikah?ibu ini loh baru 21 anaknya udah 2"
-.-" *krikk*

In a clinic while anamesa a patient
"oh, itu bukan suaminya?"
"bukan mbak, suaminya uda meninggal. Suaminya mana?"
"hah? katamu uda meninggal"
"maksudnya suaminya mbak. Di Malaysia ta?"
"hoi, aku belum nikah loh ya"
"oh belum, rek, mbaknya belum nikah"
-.-" maksud loe?

Hello Surgery! Time to fake those smile & live this typical question. It's only 3days! got 3weeks and a half to go. Ingatkan Staff dengan PPDS je, junior pun sebok nak tau. haishh. I should just get married already.
The price I have to pay for repeating this department ALONE.

It's been a year. Hey December, be nice please? :)

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Gossip Girl talk.

I always love the episode where Blair and Serena mend up their relationship. It remind me of someone, so much. I wish we can also do the same. She'll always be B for me, the only one, even she got few S other than me. She and I, we always talked about this, about the fabulous dresses, discussing what would happen next, and we usually end up arguing because we have really different opinion & taste. I miss those moments. But if I can undo things, I still choose to be where I am right now. It's true they said some things are better left unspoken, but bottle it up aren't good either. especially when you use a glass bottle, once you drop it, you can never have the same bottle. ever. again. If you asked me one thing i regret the most; it's the hate that I can't control towards her for everything she ever done. Even the good one. Sigh.



Saturday, November 24, 2012


I'm finally here. half way to end this taff journey. in sha Allah :)
This week has been so dramatic. Again. It was really tiring & dramatic, that it ended with tears, AGAIN. It started with an alright scene, and then I can't help myself. To feel pathetic at times. I didn't intend to cry, I swear, crying would be my last option, but  may be it's time of the month or may be the heart is still in fragile condition. ouch. haha. And yes, after I cried, things fall back right in places. Alhamdulillah. i feel pathetically terrified though :|

Well, i checked my result. it seems I only struggle for 5marks to pass my Interns & Pediatric! UNFAIR T.T. You see My University requires B to pass all subject. and usually they helped if you STRUGGLE FOR 5 MARKS only, but because of UKDI, they refuse to help this time. Maybe i guess luck didn't fall in my place just yet though, so here i am, struggle for 5 marks, trying my best to redha & ikhlas. it was hard, hence, the tears. erk. Thank you doctors, may all my ARTSENIAN nailed UKDI this time, AMIN.

Today, i woke up dedicating a song to myself. haha. i know it sound pathetic, but i did.

Ive watched you slowly winding down for years, You cant keep on like this, Now is as bad of time as any.  There, there, baby, Its just text book stuff, Its in the ABC of growing up, Now, now, darlin Oh dont kill yourself ,'Cause none of us were angels And you know I love you, yeah

2weeks more for my second exam. Now only I can move on to second stage. Keep on pray for me besides your doa for palestenianz okay. Have a lovely weekend. oh, my sunshines will be getting married this weekend! me so excited!! bridesmaid for 2nd time. hehee. the best part is, it's different culture! let's see if I get to update about the story later ;)

p/s : to those who search about LBC product, & come to this blog, me so sorry you can't find it. That day when I activated my android, I didn't know it synchronize all my pictures uploaded online(especially on this blog), so I kindda accidently deleted ALL THE PICTURE! so that explains why my previous post missing all the picture. Sorry x_X

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

First stage

Having someone telling you how much faith he got in you to walk this journey is somehow a terrible feeling, in a good way, i think. if such feeling does exist. It's like you've been living in a dark room, and someone come & rescued you. It was a good feeling but you still can't figure if you feel good that you come out from that room or feel terrified how on earth you end up in that room at first.

I remember the first time I met him. how not confident at all I felt back then. Still in trauma, I think I'm not giving myself enough chance to prove that I am better than the imaginary of rec student everyone create in their mind. (I'm sorry that is how terribly loser I feel at times). And He helped & guide me out by sending me the right person to showed me the way. Alhamdulillah :)

If ever one thing that I should be thankful for today, it's to Him for crossing our path at the most amazing time. maybe if he crossed it earlier, I wouldn't know how terribly glad feels like. hahah. "Have faith in Allah including faith in His timing, right?". Alhamdulillah.

and today, I walked home in tears. of relief.
and that was so dramatic. haha.

p/s:  “Berdoalah kepada-Ku, niscaya akan Kuperkenankan bagimu”. (QS.40.Al Mu’min: 60). Sesungguhnya janji Allah itu pasti :)

Saturday, November 3, 2012

November rain

Mungkin cuaca ada pengaruh juga sama cuaca hati kale ya. Sejak masuk bulan November selalu hujan. Hujan rahmat katanya. Begitu juga suasana hati. Makin hari makin galau. Hehe. Saje nak membebel dalam bahasa asing.

Kamu. Ya kamu! sudah lama tidak mendengar kabar darimu. Hampir saja aku melupakanmu. Tapi hari ini, banyak yang bercerita tentang kamu. Bangga kata mereka. Kalau aku temanmu juga tentu aku bangga. Tapi kita belum sempat berteman yah. Jangan marah dulu. Aku bilang begitu karna banyak yang aku belum tahu tentang kamu. Dan tentang aku juga tak banyak aku buka ke kamu.

Aku kagum denganmu. Kau orang yang banyak citacita. Untuk semua yang kau lakukan, you really showed me hard work pays. Congratulations! Untuk citacitamu yang masih ngantri, good luck wishes for you. Kalau satu hari nanti impianmu yang kau ceritakan ke aku dulu terwujud, aku akan ikut senang untukmu. entah kenapa aku yakin kau pasti bisa meraihnya ;)

Cerita kita, disimpan dulu yah. Kau dan aku banyak bedanya. Ditengah kau meraikan kejayaanmu, aku lagi struggle bangkit semula dari kegagalanku. Dan banyak lagi perbedaan yang tak terungkap dengan kata2. 
Jangan gusar dulu. Aku masih disini kok, sendiri. Kejar citacitamu dulu. Kalau benar ada jodoh, suatu hari nanti pasti kita ketemu lagi.

Terus sukses ya :)

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Itsy bitsy :)

"The itsy-bitsy spider, Climbed up the water spout, Down came the rain, And washed the spider out, Out came the sun, And dried up all the rain, And the itsy-bitsy spider, Climbed up the spout again"

My friend(s) being so cute. The way they show me they're there for me somehow made me glad that I get to call them friends! Hehee.
Alhamdulillah :)

I overread(?) my friends Ввм. They're worried about me the day my bestfriends left. I cried! Of course I did, and my sunshines dunno what to do. Kindda funny. They even afraid if I'll ever give up this journey. Hahah. I can't stop my tears. Not now. Not in this 3 month time. It's gonna be the hardest 3month of my life. Every now & then I'll cry some more. When I cried, don't try to stop me, just be my shoulder. That's all I need ;)

And the rest keep asking me out just incase I'm down or stress or need a company. That's beyond sweet :') I really appreciate it. But my money didn't grow on tree, So does the brain. I need to catch up & study for exam too. So at times, I have to say no.

My bestfriends left. All 3 of them. But they leave their spirit with me. Ok, who am I kidding. They leave me with this bundle of spirit(s)! to cheer me up everyday!

Hahah. Comel en en en. My favourite is those long tail monkey! (ga penting). And they gonna come back in January! Not to get this back, but to pick me up and go home together. Well, at least that is how I picture my ending will be. Hahah. I really wish this dramatic life of mine gonna have a happy ending. *amin dengan penuh syahdu :')*

I'm not giving up. I will not. That, I can assure you guys. I'm down, broken, bleeding, whatever situation I'm in, giving up will never ever ever will be my option. InsyaAllah. But to get up when i'm down, that, need time. In my case, I don't have that much time. Therefore I have to fake those smile & just pretend I'm better in no time.

Me is having exam nextweek! The first out of three!
Wishmeluck. I need luck luck luck luck luck!
Your doa is what I need most right now.

P.s : those spider in the first paragraph has nothing to do with any spider exist!
P.s.s : thanks again for the positive vibes! :)

Sent from Samsung Galaxy Note

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

La Tahzan Inna Allaha Ma'anaa

For giving me chance to learn more about Interns,pediatric & Surgery.
For making me pass the other 11 subjects eventhough most of the time I always give my last minute best for the exam.
For answering my prayer at the right time.
For the best mother advices. And doa ;)
For lending me those buddies as my wingman. They surely are the best.
For my sunshines who always remind me how positive i am as a person before.
For the others who try so hard to make me realize this isn't the end. We'll get there eventually.
For making me realize how lucky i am,still.

Astagfirullah. Maka nikmat tuhan yang mana yang kamu dustakan?

Thank you Allah
Thank you mummy & daddy
Thank you sisters
Thank you besties ;)
Thank you friends
Thank you MARA
And most of all, thanks for all your doa. That's what i need the most.

Dengan nama Allah yang maha pemurah lagi maha penyayang, lets keep the faith & keep fighting :)

Sent from Samsung Galaxy Note

Saturday, October 6, 2012

My story

i used to think, i've got the answer to everything.
but now i know, life doesn't always go my way...

Being told you didn't passed few criteria yet, to be a doctor, even when you already prepared yourself for days like that, even it's been a year you prepared yourself, when the days come, it still gives you unpleasant feeling.

The yudisium. held on October 3rd. It changes mylife. When the ceremony starts, i feel like fainting. Lucky for me, I got my bestfriend besides me. She holds my hand until the very end. They started calling one by one, and then they pass my bestfriends name. they all passed. I knew I'm not gonna make it, but I keep praying for miracle until the very end. And when my turns came, I have to go in separately from them. Life doesn't always go my way, right? I tried so hard to be as positively as i can. one day, i'll get there too. there's so much more "at least.." in my head. I am sad. but I try to be as tough as I can. I almost burst into tears when I congratulate them, but I didn't cry.

Not until I came in to know which department is so cruel & so mengada wants to keep me here. I only has Surgery in mind. I prepared myself for that. and my other guess are pediatric OR neuro OR pharmacy. but I do wish it's only Surgery. dang, now it hit me a little hard. it's not 1, it's not 2, but it's THREE! 3 Big Department didn't let me go just yet. i have to extend for 3months moreee. where do I go wrong? sobs. Surgery, Pediatric & Interns. I thought I do well in interns, but i guess luck didn't fall in my hand just yet. Now I feel like crying. I try to be positive again but when I count the calender, it seems like I can't join my batch mate for the first Penggelaran. NOW THIS TEARS ME APART :'(

But I didn't cry. I don't know which spirit hold my tears, I just don't. It's not ego or something. I swear I was so sad & broken inside. I just try so very hard not to spoil the happiness for my bestfriends. For everything they did to me, the last thing I want them to see is they leaving me crying & struggling alone. Until today, while writing this, tears being my company. This was really the biggest nightmare. and the worst part is, I didn't get the chance to wake up. I have to live this nightmare :(

Class starts nextweek. I told myself I'm gonna be okay eventually. I should go get myself busy & be okay in no time. Bestfriends will leave in few days. And me gonna celebrate Raya Haji ALONE here. told abah, i'm not gonna come home until i get the tittle, & I won't change that. And now, the only things I don't need from you guys is your judgement. It's hard enough for me to live this reality. to still smile & enjoy the very last day with them while my heart & mind full with worries. 3 exams moree. in 3 months! who gonna be my examiner this time. Whoever he/she is, I have to pass. I can't take anymore of this. I want to finish so badly :(

Faith in Allah, includes faith in his timing :')
Ya Allah, besarnya dugaan yang kau berikan untukku. Kalau dugaan demi dugaan ini akan mendekatkan aku kepadamu, bantulah aku untuk redha dengan ketentuanMu. Sesungguhnya Kau telah merancang segala perjalanan hidupku, dan Kau juga mampu mengubahnya.

Saturday, September 15, 2012


Finally, yesterday i'm done my very last paper of my very last lab, pharmacy. I do hope i nailed it. Dah usaha, time to tawakal.
The result isn't out yet. Yudisium is going to be on the 3rd of October. I am freeeaaaakkkiiinnngg cuakkk!!! I do hope i passed with flying colour but i know somehow it kindda impossible :(
but, i believe, we already done our best and leave the rest to Allah. Everything is possible with Allah's will kan? Miracle,one more time please.
So maybe after this all the post is about me cuak until the 3rd of Oct la kan. Hahah.

Moving on, yesterday my baby's giving birth!!! Omg i am soooo excited. I was the one who's feeding the 'mak buyung' and always wondering why she eat a lot & she's fat & she don't afraid to get food as long as she get food. My adorable tessie give birth to 5 cute bunnies. Wihwihwih. I am so excited to meet them! And well, now i'm busy choosing the name of the baby. Hihi. Each of us get to name one anyway. funny thing is we don't really do well in pet-ing. So they(my sisters) only find out about the babies when they already completely have further! Hahaahahah. And they can't even decided their sex T.T

It's Saturday! I want to write moreee. But well, this time i kindda successfully get myself busy on the weekend. heee. Come to think about it, this weekend, i was supposed to be home in Malaysia already! But gotta settle few stuff first, for the sake of yudisium!

Anywayyy, above everything that had happen, i wanna say Alhamdulillah. I thanked Allah for blessing each and every planned i make. You are the best Almighty. To stand where i am right now, couldn't be happier without your blessing 0:)

Picturesss to enjoy! Have a fantabulous weekend!

Thursday, September 6, 2012

AdaMu :)

Merenung ke luar jendela
Melihat kebesaranNya
Mensyukuri segala nikmat
Yang dikurniakan di dunia

Kau berikan ku kekuatan
Tuk berpegang pada jalan
Walau penuh dengan cabaran
Ku tahu ku adaMu Tuhan

Kerna kau yang satu
Yang setia bersama ku
Dikala ku jatuh ku bangkit kernaMu
Ku tahu ku adaMu disisi ku selalu
Bantulah hambaMu mencari keredhaanMu

Ku tahu ku adaMu
Ku adaMu selalu

Kerna kau yang satu
Yang setia bersama ku
Dikala ku jatuh ku bangkit kernaMu
Ku tahu ku adaMu disisi ku selalu
Bantulah hambaMu mencari keredhaanMu

Ku tahu ku adaMu
Ku adaMu selalu

Ku merenung ke luar jendela
Melihat kebesarannya
Walau penuh dengan cabaran
Ku tahu ku adaMu Tuhan :)

p.s : i want to post raya pic so bad but i left my harddisk at me home. pfftt. a week moreee~

Saturday, September 1, 2012


Holla! Hopefully it's not too late to wish you guys Happy Hari Raya! 
Sorry for all wrong doings, bad words, bad opinion, all the bad bad things i did that may scratch(?) a tiny bit of your heart :P
Know that, i didn't meant to do that by purpose. If i ever do it again, please forgive me also, you must annoyed me so much that i treat you that way,no?
What you give, you get back lah *titiba* heheee. Ampunnnn.

Moving onnn, i'm back in my lovely house at Surabaya!. It's been almost a week. That's explain why all the sudden so rajen update the blog. With the new device some more. Mihmih. Will write about it in another post.

I'm in my trasition lab from Radiology lab to pharmacy lab. No jaga. Kindda awesome. Hehehe. 2weeks in pharmacy & me heading home again. More2 awesome. Except the fact that i already homesick! Almost done here, & still homesick! Pffttt.

Well, i thought i wanna write something & then i run out of word. So, maybe this post is about me apologize for whatever that i did in the past. & wishing you guys happy hari raya. My raya didn't go so well as we all busy preparing for September's event. I'm not going back for my sister's engagement ceremony :( but will be back for my bro's wedding. Both side. I guess that should cover. And guess who's gonna get massive question about "when is your turn?" T.T

So, please pray for me. I prayed everyday for god to make my journey smooth. I wanna finish my DM life so badly. Semoga segala urusan kami dipermudahkan. Aminn.

Sent from Samsung Galaxy Note

Friday, August 10, 2012

5 years from now

Will I still doing the things I do now?
Do I still updating my twitter?
How about the blog? Tumblr? Instagram? Awh, facebook!
Will I still update with the new song on air?
Do I have time to downloaded it to the iPod?
Do  I even have time to listen to it?
How about movies?
Do I get the chances to go to cinema?
The girlfriends hang out session?
SHOPPING!! I don't want to just have to do it online!
No therapeutic then.
What about baking and cooking?
I love doing it to my family. Even if it tasteless or over sweet, they HAVE TO EAT
And my hometown!
I don't wanna be like now. Only come home for Raya.
5 years I've been struggling with my homesickness.
Coming home twice in a year, does kill me.
If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, i'd choose not to be stronger,boleh?

Whatever life changes me, I wish, I still have time for my family.
My big family, and my very own, one day.
Well,I gonna have my very own family 5 years from now, no? Mihmihmih.

I am a family person. And imagining I gonna be very busy until I have no time for me family scares the hell out of me :(
Life won't be that cruel, no?
If it does, can I drop everything & just be a housewives?
Awh, I do need to marry a prince. I have to.

Gtg, need to google some single prince.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012


" 'Cause even the stars, they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we worth it
No, I won't give up"

Just a random positive song i heard this morning. I want to share the vclip, but can't embed video from you tube. This song do gives me nice positive feeling. Have a nice week everyone! :)

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Hello there :)

Live from Malaysia! Got a lotttt to bebel. But not now kot. *modemalas*
Anywayyy, Happy Ramadhan! Ok, it's already half passed Ramadhan.
Semoga segala amalan kita diterimaNya 0:)

P/s: Happy faces coming home this morning :D

Friday, June 29, 2012

Penghulu Segala Hari :)

Now tell me, who won't put the brightest smile when they had this on the list?

Have a nice weekend!
Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Friday, June 22, 2012

Meet Me Halfway

It's been 5weeks! Luckily this lab has 10weeks before we sit for the exam. But that shouldn't be an excuses Saffy =.=" because honestly, I haven't learn anything yet. except for cardio, which right now, I'm sure I already forget half of it. OMG, what's happening?

You want to know what's happening? let me tell you what.
Me myself also not sure what's happening. What I know is one day I wake up feeling like "Hello brand new day, let's get this over with asap" and the next, I'm still on the bed, playing plant vs zombie, or temple run or sally's saloon, or the smurf T.T
& then I look at the time, shit it's already 6.30am! Morning Report at 7am. I'm late! I'm late! I'm late! then I texted my friend, pretending that I just woke up and they were like, "How long do you need to get ready? Morning Report only starts at 8am." 5weeks already Saffy, how can you forget! Oh, that small heart attacked -oo- *continue on the ipod*

And then the days started with morning report, then breakfast, before we started our clinic shift. One of us usually pay first for breakfast & we'll divided later. & yes, it always me who have to split the bill. it's rp105k means each of us need to pay rp35k. I already paid rp50k, fit paid rp100k. so we got rp45k for the balance. i took rp15k for me & there left rp30k for fit. WHERE HAVE THE MONEY GOES? fit supposed to get rp65k for the balance! rp30k + keshy owe him rp15k. There is a mistake. I confidently argue that THERE'S A MISTAKE. and then they knocked my head. saffy, keshy owe fit rp35k! oh, okay.
(This was one boring spoil mathematics story, isn't it? -oo-)

This is somehow the way my body telling me that I had enough. I'm giving my life away into this, that it ate my brain slowly. like zombies *insert laugh here*.
Today, i woke up with FLU! finally. after so long. I though those virus hates me that they never visited me in a while #patdd.
& this is most probably happen after my very first shift in interna's ward. *sigh. and there's 4 more interna's ward shift to go. I really need to pay more attention to myself rather than my plants on the Smurf ._.

This is how my weekend started. Down with flu on Friday, and 7am-7pm shift on Saturday & Sunday. Sound fun huh? trust me, it'll be more fun than it sound *please smell some sarcasm here*
& Please pray that i survived. I HAVE TO! ZARA is on sale this week!
See, I'm completely happy & enjoying with whatever life's throw me. That, somehow makes me worried. shouldn't I? But I guess, for now. i'll enjoy it while I have it. or until it hits me harder =.=.
So, let's speed on gear two, shall we?

Is this faces fits the criteria of a future doctors face already? truth or dare? I couldn't care less.
Have a blossom weekend, cause I know you will.
XO :)

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Sunday Morning

"Atas nama hati yang masih retak disana-sini; maukah kau yang jadi perekatnya? Menjadikanku baik-baik saja, seperti semula." gila sweet. boleh pingsan sekarang :D

Reality strikes, I skipped a month! wow, yes I amazingly did =.="
Not that May being super nice or extremely cruel to me, but well, 
I swear i do want to write anything, but my mind only focus on one goal right now.
Until then, sorry to disappoint you.
But you can reach me via instagram ------>
hehee. I crazily upload about almost anything, when i get wi-fi :P

Spare some times to pray for my smooth journey of this medical school life okay :)
You guys are seriously the best.
Yes, you who get to read this :D
"Have a blossom nice day! ♥"
Imagine I said it with a mustache. kiki. bye~*

Monday, April 30, 2012

Summer Paradise

My heart is sinking
As I'm lifting up
Above the clouds away from you
And I can't believe I'm leaving
Oh I don't kno-kno-know what I'm gonna do

But someday
I will find my way back
To where your name
Is written in the sand

Cause I remember every sunset
I remember every word you said
We were never gonna say goodbye
Singing la-da-da-da-da

Tell me how to get back to
Back to summer paradise with you
And I'll be there in a heartbeat
I'll be there in a heartbeat

My soul is broken
Streets are frozen
I can't stop these feelings melting through
And I'd give away a thousand days, oh
Just to have another one with you

Well real life can wait
(it can wait)
We're crashing like waves
We're playing in the sand
(me and you)
Holding your hand

Cause I remember every sunset
I remember every word you said
We were never gonna say goodbye
Singing la-da-da-da-da

Tell me how to get back to
Back to summer paradise with you
And I'll be there in a heartbeat
I'll be there in a heartbeat

Yeah I remember sunny mornings
And summer evenings
Now you're right next to me
And I am freezing
Was it real?
Oh baby, tell me, was I dreaming?
How can you show me paradise,
When I'm leaving?

Now my heartbeat is sinking
Hope's shrinking
When I try to speak no words
Hope this is not just wishful thinking
Tell me that you care
And I'll be there in a heartbeat

I will find my way back
To where your name
Is written in the sand

Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go

Cause I remember every sunset
I remember every word you said
We were never gonna say goodbye
Singing la-da-da-da-da

Tell me how to get back to
Back to summer paradise with you
And I'll be there in a heartbeat

I remember when we first kissed
How I didn't wanna leave your lips
And how I've never ever felt so high
Singing La-da-da-da-da

Tell me how to get back to
Back to summer paradise with you
And I'll be there in a heartbeat
I'll be there in a heartbeat
(summer paradise)
I'll be there in a heartbeat


Again, i fall for this beautiful song! i swear if music is a guy, i'm gonna marry him!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Bubbly Sunday

HELLO BELOG! it feels so long. & yes, i miss you deeply. not you lah. i miss writing & babbling about my dramatic life here. heh.

So, i've done 8 weeks of pediatric! i still feel like dreaming. What they told you about pediatric was true. It was super duper tiring, exhausted & weary! The first 6 weeks of pediatric was fast. Maybe because i have shift on weekdays, so i don't get to even think about killing the time. My exam's turn was on the last day of pediatric. So, i used the whole last 2 weeks in pediatric worrying about who my examiner gonna be. It was torturing. to walk everyday, knowing some of your friend get the goldenheart(baik hati) examiner & some get the scary one. And on my exam day, I almost gave up. I did. I never felt so down on my exam day :| luckily there's my sunshine & my wingman around. For that, i always thanked Allah for every person He send to me to walk through this hard life ♥ alhamdulillah :)

I love kids! I do. I think kids are the most beautifully honest creature on earth. Until they become sick, "rewel" & extra mengada. hahah. that feeling when you want to help but they crying so loud like you're doing something to hurt them. cubit kang. hahah. but it was one ohsem memory. dealing with kids, babies & extra conscious parents. not to forget, THE PARENTS ARE AT MY AGE! some are younger. that, make me feel how I, at this age, still don't achieved anything in life. it was one horrible feeling :'(

You know what scares me? doing the same things that i don't like, everyday, for the rest of mylife. since the first beginning i choose to be a doctor, that was the most scariest feeling i want to avoid. i try so hard to love what i do. ok, maybe i don't try hard enough, but i want to love what i do. right now & in the future. oh, i'm talking about the job, btw. just to make it clear before you start to think of other things -oo-

So, if you ask me, do I like what I do now, the same thing I'm gonna do in the future? i would definitely smile & says "sometimes". yes. SOMETIMES. it was pathetic. but i'm getting there. maybe because i value my sleep much, i hate that i started to lost it SOMETIMES now. hahah. and besides the handsome young ppds, i think what excite me doing my job is one great team. yes. A great medical team is what keep me smiling the whole shift even though it was tiring. & of course the feeling of appreciation. it was small matter, but having a patients come to you saying "thanks, doctor" was the ohsem feeling ever. but maybe, that, applies to those yg ikhlas jelah. especially those little creature :D did i mention, i love kids! :D kalau berterima kasih sampai mintak bbm number tu memang tak ah i rasa ohsem sangat. kan.

"Bekerjalah dengan ikhlas, agar menjadi bagian dari Ibadah" well, my 8weeks of pediatric, this is what it teaches me. I try to apply to my shift. I wouldn't want to say I was ikhlas enough, but I tried :) & I hope in the future, this is what it's going to be. Pray for me, okayh?

I think, that's all for now. gonna enjoy the rest of Sunday, before entering new department, Neurology, tomorrow. FEW DAYS LEFT to fight this battle! still feel like dreaming, but i believe this is dream comes true; my life :)

for that, again & again, i thanked Allah, Alhamdulillah ♥ 

ok, now time for honesty, do we look alike? hahah. ko takpayah jawab pun xpe. bye!

Monday, April 9, 2012

I love you :)

La la
La la la la
La la
La la la
I like your smile
I like your vibe
I like your style
But that's not why I love you

And I, I like the way
You're such a star
But that's not why I love you
Do you feel, do you feel me?
Do you feel what I feel, too?
Do you need, do you need me?
Do you need me?

You're so beautiful
But that's not why I love you
I'm not sure you know
That the reason I love you is you
Being you
Just you
Yeah the reason I love you is all that we've been through
And that's why I love you

La la
La la la la
La la
La la la
I like the way you misbehave
When we get wasted
But that's not why I love you
And how you keep your cool
When I am complicated
But that's not why I love you

Do you feel, do you feel me?
Do you feel what I feel, too?
Do you need, do you need me?

Do you need me?

Yeah - Oh.

Even though we didn't make it through
I am always here for you
Yeah, yeah, yeah

La la
La la la la (oh oh)
La la
La la la (That's why I love you)

Having someone sending this song to you enough to collect all the positive energy & push away those negativity.
It remind me how blessed I am been given true friend to walk thru this difficulties.
So, mr. Boifriend need to be super duper extra hard to be more than the bestest friend of mine. Kiki :D

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Awesome March, 14th

let's talk about march, 14th. the day i turn twenty*cough* by age. hiks.
the day starts just like another day, but full of wishes. i got like thousand wishes from facebook, twitter, bbm, whatsapp, directly, & undirectly. & guess what's the funniest part? i forgot to bring my maxis number & abah tried to reach me via that number. abah!! *geleng pale*
& as clumsy as i am, yesterday only i realized the sms & missed calls from abah -oo-.

pediatric successfully killed me. i don't really feel like celebrating my birthday, so, when one of my friend asked to switch duty, exactly on the night of my birthday, i said yes. only to realize i'll be facing some killer prof the next day while morning report! to make the story perfect, my patients that night was 18! i am officially the coolest doctor who'll be having lots of patients if i ever open a clinic *AMINN* -oo-

the day started nice, & it lead to some stressful afternoon. i was so stressed, i almost cried. i skipped a tutor with my registra(PPDS) that day just to come home & get some sleep so i can deal with the heavy duty at night. it was pathetic. i felt pathetic. more dramatic when my shift started with some noisy mother calling me "missy(nurse)" & angrily said that our hospital service is so lembab. i was like hello, you were at RSUD Soetomo kot. what do you expect! luckily my registra was there & asked the mother to be more patient. i almost cried! it was really a hell of a shift. i swear! i should've cried that day. & suddenly,one of my friend, who was on shift at ICU at the pediatric ward come to ER & force me to company him eating at the canteen. it was really a nice coincident when he came at time where there's no patient. sangat kebetulan.

i was so busy babbling to him about the rude mother when we reached the ER canteen. i saw no one(ok, i was kindda expect something though :P).& right before we entered the door, i saw everyone. awh, there i stand, speechless. really SPEECHLESS. "hey, korang buat apa kat sini?" hahah. that was my first word & then i saw the cake. ohmy, it is my birthday! & the candle is 13! hahahah. they decorated the place with lot's of candle, THAT, WAS ROMANTIC! :P
i always wonder how am i gonna live without them. it was amazing how they can turn my day upsidedown by only being there! let's enjoy the picta. it was only few of it, because the place is dark & the lighting is not nice.

that was the keji-est moment. i'm still on duty kot! & it was coke!! *kejar ninon*

pizza & cakes! :D

the sunshines & the wingman :)

adegan ini hanya berlaku untuk perempuan sahaja untuk mengelakkan saham jatuh :P

& then, there's second surprise of the day! awhh, i really felt appriciated.

 looking back through the picture, i feel awesome & cool. mihmihmih. it's really something to be remembered kan? celebrating birthday while on-call, wearing those ugly uniform -oo-. i knew people said i'm crazy. one of my friend did beg me to change the shift though. hahah. saya memang degil.

so, what's the wishes for turning twentyfour ?
hahah. i don't really think of any. i just wish this, my DM life, successfully end so soon.
and i wish all of your wishes for me comes true though.
& yes, if ever Allah want to grant me one wish, i would asked him to make me more patient & stronger.

sesungguhnya menjadi seorang yang suka marah dan kurang sabar sebab terlalu stress tu tak best :(

sekian laporan 143 saya untuk hari ini.
5 weeks more in pediatric! me already dead. besok jaga ward. tak suka.
to the rest of you, have a nice week!  ♥

Monday, March 12, 2012

Our Story

So it didn't go to plan 
It's hard to understand 
But now I know this is just our story 
I will set out on my way 
You're never in one place 
And now I can learn to walk before we, 

Run away to the sin, 
It's just me 
It's just you 
One day at a time 

When nothing's for sure 
We can throw the past away now 
Cause we don't need it anymore 
One day at a time 
Cause I still believe that it's ours for the taking 
I know that we can make it one day 
At a time 

Yeah, we hear it from our friends 
They tell us how this ends 
But they don't know this is not their story 
I know we will find a way 
We're gonna be okay 
Cause I'm here 
You don't need to worry 

Now all we should be 
Is just you and me 
One day at a time 

When nothings for sure 
We can throw the past away 
Cause we don't need it anymore 
One day at a time 
Cause I still believe that it's ours for the taking 
And I know that we can make it 
One day, One day at a time 

We'll flee the memories like the dark, the in between 
I want everything 
And love I know will carry us 
With you I'll always have enough 
We'll work together through this life 
One day at a time 

So It didn't go to plan 
It's hard to understand 
But now I know this is just our story 

One day at a time 
When nothings for sure 
We can throw the past away now 
Cause we don't need it anymore 

We've got the rest of our lives 
and I still believe that it's ours for the taking 
and I know we're gonna make it 
one day, one day at a time 
one day at a time


Sunday, March 11, 2012


yesterday is history.
& my yesterday is some ohsem history.why?
for the first time, after 2weeks i entered pediatric, i was completely happy doing my shift.
& the reason is, ahah, that FARID KAMIL FIGURE! mihmihmih.
he is so damn smart & cool. he teach & help me understand pediatric. eventhough all i do is watching his FARID KAMIL FACE! :P
at first, i was shock. gila ke nak kerja dengan dia ni. tercabut jantung duk usha muka camna? :P :P
& the shift goes well. too well actually that 12 hours only felt like 2 hours =.="
for the first time, i am happy in pediatric. all the stress is gone & i really hope, this, will boost my mood for the whole nextweek! ahah.
ok, please Saffy, he's married. his wife gonna kill me =.="

& yesterday, it remind me of you.
i remembered how annoyed you are everytime i told you how happy i am when i bumped into him.
i remembered how mad you are when i told you he made my day :P
i remembered how you don't want to talk to me but still accepting my skype-video.
i remembered how you have to cool down yourself because of naughty me ;P
how do you do that? you put up with me perfectly. through good & bad.
they say you never really realize what you had until it's gone.
i try so hard to convince myself, there's a reason behind all this.
but in the end, i always failed to make room for new one, i swear i tried.
it wasn't easy. because i already love the imperfect flaws in you, & then it still didn't work.
they say times will heal, i guess two years is still not enough time yet.

if loved you is a mistake,
then it was the beautiful mistakes that i made.
& i never regret.
as they say again, yesterday is history.
yes, you are one of my ohsem history. & that is what you'll ever be.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Powerpuff Girl.

hello Sunday, or should i say goodbye already?
it's been a week. pediatric is as hell as they told.
you know the time you gave up your bedtime & try your best to stay awake helping the patients,
& in the morning, you get thank you from them. it did heal half of the tiredness.
what about when you help the bossy doctor,
& right when you asked to leave because your shift finished,
she said "loh kamu dik, ga bantu apa2, cuma aku yg buat semua sendiri"
yeee. jaga pediatric jangan pakai hati. that's what they told me.
suwun ya doc.

the tiredness is killing me. i am a positive person. i tried.
i take every responsibilities & do it my way so i'll love what i do.
or i'll force myself to.most of the time, i use force.
thank to this force, i cough so badly.until my back hurt.
2 bottles of cough medicine down the system & i still cough like mad old women.
worst is, the patient's parents can't take away their eyes of me when i'm coughing -oo-
I tried honey, & hot water, & i was fit in no time. how do i forget about this?
i absolutely gonna make honey my daily supplements soon.

"You never know how strong you are, until life gives you no choice and your forced to be your own hero"

thanks for the pain, it makes me stronger.
thanks for the scar, it reminds me that it did happened.
thanks for the memory, good or bad, it makes me who i am today :)

p/s : Hello March, i know you always be my favourite month. please don't change that.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Will you step back?

You and me 
Were desperately in love 
We're holding grudge 
Instead of hands and trusts 
There's no longer "Us" 
It's only "You" or else 
Well I've swallowed too many jars of lies 

Baby, will you step back? 
And stand behind me 
At once 

You and me 
Were chasing butterflies 
We faked our love 
With patterned laughs and lusts 
Well this has got to stop now 
Let's take our separate paths 
Because my love for you 
Were never existed 

Baby, will you step back? 
Oh Please just step back! 
You'll burn! 
I said "please" 

Baby, please just step back 
But you keep coming back 
Oh just get off my back 
You'll burn! 

You'll burn!

Kindda sortta. Well, i do speaks better in songs than words. kelik play.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Awesome escape!

Look at the flag behind me. patriotic much, no?
hee. well, i guess that'll explained my missing. if you wonder. -oo-
Malaysia was just as same as last time i left. nothing feels safer than home. i only went back for 6 days. but that is enough for my awesome escape. actually i do want too escape longer, but time is always the best enemy.
well, unsettled business awaits here, & i can't wait to get this done with.

so, i'm done obgyn-ing! the exam, the on-call. everything. & i hope i did it with flying colours~
welcoming babies to the world is one best-est feeling for me. but i can't & don't want to imagine if it comes out from my stomach, do i still feel this way? muahahah.
done obgyn-ing means that's left 5 more lab to struggle with! & guess what? it also means 6 month more to deal with Surabaya's drama. HOLD ON, SAFFY. YOU'RE ALMOST THERE!

but nextweek, i'm welcoming the hell-lab-of DM, PEDIATRIC!
i used to always wants to be in the lab because of that one hot ppds (he do look like farid kamil hokay) i stalk since semester 6! mihmihmih. but he's married. i should control the flames :P
& the fact that my wingman's leaving for Malaysia for 2weeks do force me to be strong & tough or at least act like one -oo-.
it wasn't that hard, right? please tell me i'm right =.="

also,welcoming MARCH always the best part of the year :P
i do have lots to share!! we'll see how nextweek treating me. meanwhile, few photo from my holiday. heheh.
have a nice weekend everyone! :)


Monday, February 13, 2012

ohsem Monday! :)

i found this ;

When I was growing up, the world was a perfect place. The only problem was, that it wasn’t. I used to believe that everything could always be ‘fair’. To me that meant no one should ever be wronged, and if they were, justice must be served. I fought hard for the way I believed things should be. But in my struggle, I overlooked a fundamental truth about this life. In my childish idealism, I failed to understand that this world is inherently imperfect. We, as humans, are inherently imperfect. Sowe will always mess up. And in those mess-ups, we will inevitably hurt others, knowingly, and unknowingly, intentionally and unintentionally. The world would not always be fair.
Does that mean we stop struggling against injustice, or give up on Truth? Of course not. But it means we must not hold this world – and others – to an unrealistic standard. But that’s not always easy. How do we live in a world so flawed, where people let us down, and even our own family can break our heart? And perhaps, hardest of all, how do we learn to forgive when we have been wronged? How do we become strong, without being hard, and remain soft, without being weak? When do we hold on, and when can we let go? When does caring too much, become too much? And is there such a thing as loving more than we should?
To begin to find these answers, we have to first take a step outside our own lives. We need to examine whether we are the first or the last to feel pain or be wronged. We need to look at those who came before us, to study their struggles, and their triumphs. And we need to recognize that growth never comes without pain, and success is only a product of struggle. That struggle almost always includes withstanding and overcoming the harms inflicted by others.
Recalling the shining examples of our prophets will remind us that our pain is not isolated. Remember that Prophet Nuh was abused by his people for 950 years. The Quran tells us: “Before them the People of Noah rejected (their apostle): they rejected Our servant, and said, ‘Here is one possessed!’, and he was driven out.” (Qur’an, 54:9) Nuh was abused so much that he finally “called on his Lord: ‘I am one overcome: do Thou then help (me)!’” (Qur’an, 54:10)
Or we can call to mind how the Prophet ﷺ was pelted with stones, until he bled, and how the companions were beaten and starved. All of this harm was at the hands of others. Even the angels understood this aspect of human nature – before we even came to be. When Allah told the angels that He would create humanity, their first question was about this harmful potential of humans. Allah tells us: “Behold, thy Lord said to the angels: ‘I will create a vicegerent (humanity) on earth.’ They said: ‘Wilt Thou place therein one who will make mischief therein and shed blood?’” (Qur’an, 2:30)
This potential of humanity to commit horrific crimes against each other is a sad reality of this life. And yet many of us are so blessed. Most of us have not had to face the type of calamities that others have endured throughout time. Most of us will never have to watch as our families are tortured or killed. And yet, there are few of us who could say we have never been hurt, in one way or another, at the hands of someone else. So although most of us will never have to know the feeling of starving to death or standing helpless as our homes are destroyed, most of us will know what it means to cry from a wounded heart.
Is it possible to avoid this? To some degree, I think it is. We can never avoid all pain, but by adjusting our expectation, our response, and our focus, we can avoid much devastation. For example, putting our entire trust, reliance, and hope in another person is unrealistic and just plain foolish. We have to remember that humans are fallible and therefore, our ultimate trust, reliance, and hope should only be put in Allah. Allah says: “…whoever rejects evil and believes in Allah has grasped the most trustworthy handhold that never breaks. And Allah is Hearing and Knowing of all things.” (Qur’an, 2: 256) Knowing that Allah is the only handhold that never breaks, will save us from much unneeded disappointment.
And yet this is not to say that we should not love or that we should love less. It is how we love that is important. Nothing should be our ultimate object of love, except Allah. Nothing should come before Allah in our hearts. And we should never come to a point where we love something, other than Allah, in such a way, that it would be impossible to continue life without it. This type of ‘love’ is not love, but actually worship and it causes nothing but pain.
But what happens when we’ve done all that and still we have been hurt or wronged by others – as will also inevitably happen? How can we do what is the hardest? How can we learn to forgive? How can we learn to mend our scars and continue being good to people, even when they are not good to us?
In the story of Abu Bakr radi Allahu `anhu (may Allah be pleased with him), is a beautiful example of exactly that. After his daughter, `Ayesha (r), was slandered in the worst way, Abu Bakr (r) found out that the man who began the rumor was Mistah, a cousin who Abu Bakr had been supporting financially. Naturally Abu Bakr withheld the charity he had been giving the slanderer. Soon after, Allah revealed the following ayah: “Let not those among you who are endued with grace and amplitude of means resolve by oath against helping their kinsmen, those in want and those who migrated in the path of Allah. Let them forgive and overlook. Do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? Indeed Allah is oft-Forgiving, most Merciful.” (Qur’an, 24:22) Upon hearing this ayah, Abu Bakr resolved that he did want Allah’s forgiveness, and so he not only continued to give the man money, he gave him more.
This type of forgiveness is at the very heart of being a believer. In describing these believers, Allah says: “And who shun the more heinous sins and abominations; and who, whenever they are moved to anger, readily forgive.” (Qur’an, 42:37)
The ability to readily forgive should be driven by an awareness of our own flaws and mistakes towards others. But most of all, our humility should be driven by the fact that we wrong Allah every single day of our lives, when we sin. Who are we compared to Allah? And yet, Allah, Master of the universe, forgives by day and by night. Who are we to withhold forgiveness? If we hope to be forgiven by Allah, how can we not forgive others? It is for this reason that the Prophet ﷺ teaches us: “Those who show no mercy to others will have no mercy shown to them by Allah.” [Muslim]
This hope for Allah’s mercy should motivate our own desire to forgive and to one day enter the only world that really is perfect.
courtesy : yasmin
sometimes, reading someone's blog that perfectly fit the same situation as yours feel relive & ohsem. at least i know i'm not the only one struggle with this.
have a nice week readers!
tell you what, i know i will :D