Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Itsy bitsy :)

"The itsy-bitsy spider, Climbed up the water spout, Down came the rain, And washed the spider out, Out came the sun, And dried up all the rain, And the itsy-bitsy spider, Climbed up the spout again"

My friend(s) being so cute. The way they show me they're there for me somehow made me glad that I get to call them friends! Hehee.
Alhamdulillah :)

I overread(?) my friends Ввм. They're worried about me the day my bestfriends left. I cried! Of course I did, and my sunshines dunno what to do. Kindda funny. They even afraid if I'll ever give up this journey. Hahah. I can't stop my tears. Not now. Not in this 3 month time. It's gonna be the hardest 3month of my life. Every now & then I'll cry some more. When I cried, don't try to stop me, just be my shoulder. That's all I need ;)

And the rest keep asking me out just incase I'm down or stress or need a company. That's beyond sweet :') I really appreciate it. But my money didn't grow on tree, So does the brain. I need to catch up & study for exam too. So at times, I have to say no.

My bestfriends left. All 3 of them. But they leave their spirit with me. Ok, who am I kidding. They leave me with this bundle of spirit(s)! to cheer me up everyday!

Hahah. Comel en en en. My favourite is those long tail monkey! (ga penting). And they gonna come back in January! Not to get this back, but to pick me up and go home together. Well, at least that is how I picture my ending will be. Hahah. I really wish this dramatic life of mine gonna have a happy ending. *amin dengan penuh syahdu :')*

I'm not giving up. I will not. That, I can assure you guys. I'm down, broken, bleeding, whatever situation I'm in, giving up will never ever ever will be my option. InsyaAllah. But to get up when i'm down, that, need time. In my case, I don't have that much time. Therefore I have to fake those smile & just pretend I'm better in no time.

Me is having exam nextweek! The first out of three!
Wishmeluck. I need luck luck luck luck luck!
Your doa is what I need most right now.

P.s : those spider in the first paragraph has nothing to do with any spider exist!
P.s.s : thanks again for the positive vibes! :)

Sent from Samsung Galaxy Note

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

La Tahzan Inna Allaha Ma'anaa

For giving me chance to learn more about Interns,pediatric & Surgery.
For making me pass the other 11 subjects eventhough most of the time I always give my last minute best for the exam.
For answering my prayer at the right time.
For the best mother advices. And doa ;)
For lending me those buddies as my wingman. They surely are the best.
For my sunshines who always remind me how positive i am as a person before.
For the others who try so hard to make me realize this isn't the end. We'll get there eventually.
For making me realize how lucky i am,still.

Astagfirullah. Maka nikmat tuhan yang mana yang kamu dustakan?

Thank you Allah
Thank you mummy & daddy
Thank you sisters
Thank you besties ;)
Thank you friends
Thank you MARA
And most of all, thanks for all your doa. That's what i need the most.

Dengan nama Allah yang maha pemurah lagi maha penyayang, lets keep the faith & keep fighting :)

Sent from Samsung Galaxy Note

Saturday, October 6, 2012

My story

i used to think, i've got the answer to everything.
but now i know, life doesn't always go my way...

Being told you didn't passed few criteria yet, to be a doctor, even when you already prepared yourself for days like that, even it's been a year you prepared yourself, when the days come, it still gives you unpleasant feeling.

The yudisium. held on October 3rd. It changes mylife. When the ceremony starts, i feel like fainting. Lucky for me, I got my bestfriend besides me. She holds my hand until the very end. They started calling one by one, and then they pass my bestfriends name. they all passed. I knew I'm not gonna make it, but I keep praying for miracle until the very end. And when my turns came, I have to go in separately from them. Life doesn't always go my way, right? I tried so hard to be as positively as i can. one day, i'll get there too. there's so much more "at least.." in my head. I am sad. but I try to be as tough as I can. I almost burst into tears when I congratulate them, but I didn't cry.

Not until I came in to know which department is so cruel & so mengada wants to keep me here. I only has Surgery in mind. I prepared myself for that. and my other guess are pediatric OR neuro OR pharmacy. but I do wish it's only Surgery. dang, now it hit me a little hard. it's not 1, it's not 2, but it's THREE! 3 Big Department didn't let me go just yet. i have to extend for 3months moreee. where do I go wrong? sobs. Surgery, Pediatric & Interns. I thought I do well in interns, but i guess luck didn't fall in my hand just yet. Now I feel like crying. I try to be positive again but when I count the calender, it seems like I can't join my batch mate for the first Penggelaran. NOW THIS TEARS ME APART :'(

But I didn't cry. I don't know which spirit hold my tears, I just don't. It's not ego or something. I swear I was so sad & broken inside. I just try so very hard not to spoil the happiness for my bestfriends. For everything they did to me, the last thing I want them to see is they leaving me crying & struggling alone. Until today, while writing this, tears being my company. This was really the biggest nightmare. and the worst part is, I didn't get the chance to wake up. I have to live this nightmare :(

Class starts nextweek. I told myself I'm gonna be okay eventually. I should go get myself busy & be okay in no time. Bestfriends will leave in few days. And me gonna celebrate Raya Haji ALONE here. told abah, i'm not gonna come home until i get the tittle, & I won't change that. And now, the only things I don't need from you guys is your judgement. It's hard enough for me to live this reality. to still smile & enjoy the very last day with them while my heart & mind full with worries. 3 exams moree. in 3 months! who gonna be my examiner this time. Whoever he/she is, I have to pass. I can't take anymore of this. I want to finish so badly :(

Faith in Allah, includes faith in his timing :')
Ya Allah, besarnya dugaan yang kau berikan untukku. Kalau dugaan demi dugaan ini akan mendekatkan aku kepadamu, bantulah aku untuk redha dengan ketentuanMu. Sesungguhnya Kau telah merancang segala perjalanan hidupku, dan Kau juga mampu mengubahnya.