I always love the episode where Blair and Serena mend up their relationship. It remind me of someone, so much. I wish we can also do the same. She'll always be B for me, the only one, even she got few S other than me. She and I, we always talked about this, about the fabulous dresses, discussing what would happen next, and we usually end up arguing because we have really different opinion & taste. I miss those moments. But if I can undo things, I still choose to be where I am right now. It's true they said some things are better left unspoken, but bottle it up aren't good either. especially when you use a glass bottle, once you drop it, you can never have the same bottle. ever. again. If you asked me one thing i regret the most; it's the hate that I can't control towards her for everything she ever done. Even the good one. Sigh.
I'm finally here. half way to end this taff journey. in sha Allah :)
This week has been so dramatic. Again. It was really tiring & dramatic, that it ended with tears, AGAIN. It started with an alright scene, and then I can't help myself. To feel pathetic at times. I didn't intend to cry, I swear, crying would be my last option, but may be it's time of the month or may be the heart is still in fragile condition. ouch. haha. And yes, after I cried, things fall back right in places. Alhamdulillah. i feel pathetically terrified though :|
Well, i checked my result. it seems I only struggle for 5marks to pass my Interns & Pediatric! UNFAIR T.T. You see My University requires B to pass all subject. and usually they helped if you STRUGGLE FOR 5 MARKS only, but because of UKDI, they refuse to help this time. Maybe i guess luck didn't fall in my place just yet though, so here i am, struggle for 5 marks, trying my best to redha & ikhlas. it was hard, hence, the tears. erk. Thank you doctors, may all my ARTSENIAN nailed UKDI this time, AMIN.
Today, i woke up dedicating a song to myself. haha. i know it sound pathetic, but i did.
Ive watched you slowly winding down for years, You cant keep on like this, Now is as bad of time as any. There, there, baby, Its just text book stuff, Its in the ABC of growing up,
Now, now, darlin
Oh dont kill yourself ,'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeah
2weeks more for my second exam. Now only I can move on to second stage. Keep on pray for me besides your doa for palestenianz okay. Have a lovely weekend. oh, my sunshines will be getting married this weekend! me so excited!! bridesmaid for 2nd time. hehee. the best part is, it's different culture! let's see if I get to update about the story later ;)
p/s : to those who search about LBC product, & come to this blog, me so sorry you can't find it. That day when I activated my android, I didn't know it synchronize all my pictures uploaded online(especially on this blog), so I kindda accidently deleted ALL THE PICTURE! so that explains why my previous post missing all the picture. Sorry x_X
Having someone telling you how much faith he got in you to walk this journey is somehow a terrible feeling, in a good way, i think. if such feeling does exist. It's like you've been living in a dark room, and someone come & rescued you. It was a good feeling but you still can't figure if you feel good that you come out from that room or feel terrified how on earth you end up in that room at first.
I remember the first time I met him. how not confident at all I felt back then. Still in trauma, I think I'm not giving myself enough chance to prove that I am better than the imaginary of rec student everyone create in their mind. (I'm sorry that is how terribly loser I feel at times). And He helped & guide me out by sending me the right person to showed me the way. Alhamdulillah :)
If ever one thing that I should be thankful for today, it's to Him for crossing our path at the most amazing time. maybe if he crossed it earlier, I wouldn't know how terribly glad feels like. hahah. "Have faith in Allah including faith in His timing, right?". Alhamdulillah.
and today, I walked home in tears. of relief.
and that was so dramatic. haha.
p/s: “Berdoalah kepada-Ku, niscaya akan Kuperkenankan bagimu”. (QS.40.Al Mu’min: 60). Sesungguhnya janji Allah itu pasti :)
Mungkin cuaca ada pengaruh juga sama cuaca hati kale ya. Sejak masuk bulan November selalu hujan. Hujan rahmat katanya. Begitu juga suasana hati. Makin hari makin galau. Hehe. Saje nak membebel dalam bahasa asing.
Kamu. Ya kamu! sudah lama tidak mendengar kabar darimu. Hampir saja aku melupakanmu. Tapi hari ini, banyak yang bercerita tentang kamu. Bangga kata mereka. Kalau aku temanmu juga tentu aku bangga. Tapi kita belum sempat berteman yah. Jangan marah dulu. Aku bilang begitu karna banyak yang aku belum tahu tentang kamu. Dan tentang aku juga tak banyak aku buka ke kamu.
Aku kagum denganmu. Kau orang yang banyak citacita. Untuk semua yang kau lakukan, you really showed me hard work pays. Congratulations! Untuk citacitamu yang masih ngantri, good luck wishes for you. Kalau satu hari nanti impianmu yang kau ceritakan ke aku dulu terwujud, aku akan ikut senang untukmu. entah kenapa aku yakin kau pasti bisa meraihnya ;)
Cerita kita, disimpan dulu yah. Kau dan aku banyak bedanya. Ditengah kau meraikan kejayaanmu, aku lagi struggle bangkit semula dari kegagalanku. Dan banyak lagi perbedaan yang tak terungkap dengan kata2.
Jangan gusar dulu. Aku masih disini kok, sendiri. Kejar citacitamu dulu. Kalau benar ada jodoh, suatu hari nanti pasti kita ketemu lagi.