Saturday, August 20, 2016

Rebellious

Hye. Another long pause from me. You'd already guess what's that meant by now.
Well my routine had been; working from sunday to thursday, then bangi till saturday, and back to JB on saturday. Every effing week. Either by flight, or driving.
Except this week. I successfully tied myself up in my apartment for 2 days! Hence, the babling.
Come on, I deserved a.. clap? lol.

Work being work.
It's been freaking 4 month I started this new department. I try to love what I do, but in the end, working with some backstabber and snobbish idiot really tear me up. I wanted to just live and go with the flow as I'm sure this is just temporary.
But convinced my brain and my heart is wayy harder than I thought. sigh.

I remember driving from JB-KL happily in 2hr30minutes. (don't ask about my speed)
And then KL-JB with tears half of the journey. It's so depressing.
Having a thought of involving myself in an accident (but praying it's just a minor accident), so i can have like 3 month of MC. My friends suggest me to get married and bake a baby so I can get those 3 month of MC. But then I realized, it'll take me 9 month to bake those baby first, so I skipped. haha.

I never knew this is called "depression state" until I talked it out with my senior about it. She, who suffer the same already come out from it and living great life. And I found out the difference between me and her is, She rebelliously annoyed the management office about it. And I found it hard for me to do the same. I have a talk to my friend from other hospital, apparently it'll take you suffering for a year before they actually take an action to change department. That, makes another 8 month to suffer! Someone, kill me already :'(

So here I am, sitting hopelessly in my apartment. wishing tomorrow gonna be another surprise(in a good way, of course). I started to hate what I do. I don't think I'm gonna like to do some active call after a year of passive call. Sigh. Never thought I had to deal with this after housemanship. No matter how much positives vibes been sent to me, nothing seems to work. All I want to do is just show my face, being criticized and called an idiot, come home sleeping and repeat until comes the weekend, if i'm lucky enough to not have to oncall, then, Bangi calls.

As if finally I found someone to make this transition a bit easier, and faster :(


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